I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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