How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
