The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
