just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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