So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just threw up on my dentist
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
