the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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