Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
