I am puke
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
