I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
