Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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