I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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