Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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