I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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