At least make sure they are 18
Why
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize