just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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