Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize