i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
