Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
