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My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize