Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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