Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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