clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
