well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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