I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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