Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
