I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
