im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
