She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize