I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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