If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
