i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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