I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
