If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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