Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
