Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
