It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
