i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
