My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
