Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
