I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
