and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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