Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
