if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sarcasm needs its own font
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
