I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't think brook has ever known best
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
