God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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