I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
