My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
