I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
