The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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