Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
