You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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