How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
