i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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