shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I deserve this hangover.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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