we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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