Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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