Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
