What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
