Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
