Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
