god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
