Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Farmville is her only friend.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
