I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
