I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
