dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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