i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
