she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
