This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
