Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
