1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize