chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
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