You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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