When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
