I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
