I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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