either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
