I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
