I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
