turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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