Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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