You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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