....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
