mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
