Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
