Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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