i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
