she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
