I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
