you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
