Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
