New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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