That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
