ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
