Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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