Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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