I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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