i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
