what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
