he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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