I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We have started to decorate penises.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
