Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
