dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I faked an abortion last night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
