Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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