i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
