And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
