Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
