When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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