if only i could text you this smell
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
