Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
