My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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