I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
