Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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