"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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