well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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